It's summer....

Officially, by the calendar, it is Summer. And I cannot focus on work. I want to be outside. Barefooted, running through fields with dandelions and daisies beneath my feet, the sun kissing my skin. 

Alas, I have to wait. Until work finishes. And then, my adult chores are completed. 

But, I'll enjoy the smell of the honeysuckles on the vines and watching the lightening bugs (or fireflies) glitter within the treeline. 

And I am reminded of how simple life was. Back then. Carefree. No responsibilities. Out till the street light came on. We didn't have to be in the house, just the yard. 

I could go for simpler times. 

Growing up

On summer mornings, 

I’d drag my size one out of bed

To the sounds of Jewel and mourning doves

Sun shining through cracked windows

Casting shadows of breezy maple leaves

On baby blue walls

I would often behind the cherry wood desk,

Where, once I found a letter from Green Gables Inn on 322 in Lewistown.

When my mother was 16 she rolled her fathers car in their front lawn

Her father said he could always get another car, not another daughter. 

He was sober then.

My grandfather passed when I was 3, or around that age.

I rarely remember funerals

Except for an aunt, whom I barely knew

I cried all night for a woman who was a stranger to me.

Later that night, my brother and I walked to the Exxon station

Near the trailer park where we lived

And the moon was so big, bright and close

Brian said to me, it’s like that because God was coming to take her soul with him. 

I think I was 5. 

Once in a while, I enjoy

Comforting myself with those thoughts. 

Another morning, after awakening to Jewel and mourning doves

The sunlight casting its’ shadows onto my sullen face and the Victorian dolls that adorned my walls,

I walked out into the world for no one to care

Stepping on dried and dead maple leaves

Breaking their boney innocence underneath the weight of an anorexic 14 year old, 

Who, by the worlds’ fault, 

Was too naive to understand love and life

From atop of the Cherry wood desk from Green Gables Inn, 

I sat and drew a stream in pale blue

A golden cornfield,

A sapphire blue skyline

All looking through an antique paned window

One summer night, I sat underneath a tree 

outside Rodney and Brian's room, 

I cried

Realizing that my innocence was leaving me

During the summer of my eighth grade year,

I ran along MIddle Road, wearing BUM shorts and a t-shirt

Behind the Wal-Mart and how which my brother said

Had lingerie hanging in the window

After exerting all of my energy into anger and sadness,

I’d run back to life behind the naked eye and uncertainty

Now, 

From a new home and a chair, 

I watch my cat lick my wounds 

And think of a life yet to be explored.